


Housecat Woes

by Shadowolven



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adult Pines Twins, Cat Bill Cipher, Cute, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-26 11:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6236236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowolven/pseuds/Shadowolven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper is a freshman college student living with his newly adopted housecat. However, he begins to have suspicions that his pet, and consequently his college life, may not be as normal as he would have liked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Move-In Day

“I think that was the last of them,” Dipper huffed as he set down a heavy cardboard box on top of a stack of other similar-looking boxes. “Thanks for helping me move in, Mabel. I know you’re busy with the first week of art school, so… I really appreciate it.” He turned to smile at his twin sister who was standing by the door, hands behind her back.

“Oh, it was nothing!” she responded gleefully, “But are you sureee that was the last box?” She waggled her eyebrows mischievously.

Dipper furrowed his brows with concern. “I could have sworn we brought in all 27 boxes…” he mumbled as he looked around the living room where boxes were haphazardly stacked around the walls. He began to point at each one and counted in his head.

Mabel rolled her eyes and took out a small colorful cardboard box with a matching lid that she was hiding behind her back. “You missed this one, you nerd,” she said lightheartedly. “Don’t shake it, though!”

Her brother gingerly took the small present in his hands. He looked at it and back at Mabel a few times before saying, “Uhh… There’s a few holes in it.” He pointed to the narrow circular openings on the top of the lid and around the sides that looked like they were created after being stabbed with a pencil or pen.

“Open it up!” she insisted, grinning.

Dipper placed the box in the palm of his left hand and lifted up the lid with his other and nearly fell back in surprise. Inside, there was a tiny ball of fur that was looking up at him curiously. “Wh-whoa!” the male exclaimed as he stared at the creature. “You… you gave me a cat, Mabel?”

“Surprise!” She threw up her hands excitedly. “Since you were going to be living alone in college, I thought, hey, you should have something to keep you company! And it just so happens that one of my friends was giving away a kitten for free, so here he is!”

Dipper set the box down on the carpet and carefully picked up the small bundle of fur, examining it. The creature had unusually bright yellow fur with light orange stripes running down the length of its back, and it had black points on its ears, paws, and the tip of its tail. The kitten also had a small black upside-down triangular patch on the top of its head as well as what appeared to be like a black bowtie mark on its chest. “It’s… a very unusual color,” Dipper muttered as he studied the details of the kitten, noticing that its left eyelid was shut tightly from what he presumed to be due to the small, scarred gash on top of it. “And it has one eye?” He glanced at Mabel skeptically. Yellow fur, black bowtie, one eye? Why did this seem oddly suspicious?

“Oh, yeah! My friend told me he’s a rare Egyptian breed. Only one person in the entire world breeds them, but recently…” she looked down sadly at the animal dangling between her brother’s hands. “There was a terrible fire at the breeder’s home. That kitten was the only one to be found alive when my friend went to search for any survivors in the wreckage.”

“Oh…” Dipper gazed sorrowfully at the kitten, briefly forgetting his suspicions as he empathized with the kitten, and brought it close to his chest. He lightly stroked its soft fur a few times before looking back at Mabel, asking, “But… We’ve never taken care of a cat before. Isn’t there a, uh, more fitting person out there to take care of him than me?”

Mabel perked up and said, “Nope! I asked my friend, too, and she said that you sounded like the perfect person for him! And no need to worry, Dippingsauce!” She ran out of the open apartment door for a moment before returning with a box of canned cat food under one arm while also holding a large bag of kitten food. In her other arm, she carried a box of cat litter as well as a shallow plastic container that had a _Dummy’s Guide to Taking Care of Cats_ book, two empty silver bowls, and various cat toys in it. Dipper looked at her with awe at how she managed to carry so many heavy items at once without breaking a sweat.

“I got everything you need to start learning how to take care of that kitten!” Mabel exclaimed as she dropped the items onto the carpet with a thud. Dipper winced a little, praying that his downstairs neighbors didn’t hear the sudden loud noise.

“Th-thanks Mabel,” he nervously said, overwhelmed by the sudden influx of supplies now sitting messily on the carpet. The kitten wiggled in his arms. Dipper looked uncomfortably at it, unsure of what to do. Is it nervous? Does it want to go on the ground? Or was it preparing to transform into something monstrous?

“Welp, I gotta drive back to class now! It’s gonna start in about…” She pulled out her cellphone and looked at the time. “About an hour and half! I hope you enjoy your housewarming gift!”

“Wait, Mabel!” Dipper called out, but she had already waved good-bye and shut the apartment door behind her. He looked dumbfounded at the situation he was in. First he had to unpack everything and set up his furniture, but now he had a supposedly rare, suspicious-looking kitten that he knew next-to-nothing on how to handle?! This was becoming a stressful move-in weekend for sure.

The feline leapt out of his arms. Dipper let out a small “Ack!” and attempted to catch the creature, afraid it was going to injure itself from its fall. He missed and observed the kitten land gracefully on the ground. “O-oh, right,” the male mumbled embarrassingly, rubbing the back of his head as he remembered that cats knew how to land on their feet. The feline turned around to briefly stare at its new owner before waltzing off, examining its new home.

Dipper observed the kitten for a few brief moments, trying to remember what the cat reminded him of, before shrugging the thought away and looked around the living room. “Okay then… What to do first?” He glanced back-and-forth at the cat supplies lying down on the ground and his stacked boxes. “I… guess I can set up my bedroom first?” He picked up a box labelled “Clothes” on the side in black Sharpie and hoisted it away past his small kitchen and into his bedroom, which only had a mattress and a pile of wooden parts for the bed frame. He sighed and began unpacking.

It had been about a half an hour since he began hanging up his clothes in his closet and putting away bathroom supplies when he heard mewling from the living room. Dipper glanced over and saw, within the narrow hallway past his door, the kitten squatting by a stack of cardboard boxes. Dipper was puzzled by its odd position, where the tail was lifted up a little and its behind didn’t quite touch the ground… Wait. Was it?!

“AHH! No kitty, bad!” Dipper bolted out of his room and scooped up the shocked kitten before it could proceed with its business. He quickly emptied the shallow plastic container of its supplies and threw some cat litter inside before setting the confused animal gently on top of the sandy mound.

The kitten looked around at its surroundings, sniffed the litter, and re-assumed the position it had prior to being rudely interrupted. “There. Crisis averted,” Dipper sighed as he uncomfortably watched the feline do its business and scoop up some litter to cover the smelly mess it made.

He was going to go back to sorting through his clothes when the kitten hopped out of the container and began batting at a feathery object connected to a thin, elastic string. Dipper smiled, amused at the adorableness, and lifted up the toy so that the feathery object was dangling mid-air.

Dipper laughed as he moved the toy back and forth, watching the kitten wildly pounce at the toy and missing by a few inches, presumably from its lack of depth perception. He paused his hand’s movement and observed the kitten tilt its head back and forth a little, gauging the exact location of the elusive opponent, before pouncing and catching the feather-toy between its paws. The kitten wrestled it on the ground, gnawing at it with his sharp little teeth.

“You’re actually pretty cute,” Dipper mumbled, his previous paranoia fading away as he tugged lightly on the toy. The furry creature extended its tiny claws, trying to obtain a better grip on its prey that suddenly desired to become free from the imaginary agony. Dipper played with the kitten for quite some time until his phone buzzed in his pocket. He set down the toy and checked his notifications, noticing that he had received a text message.

  
**Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:12PM)** : hey bro! did you settle in yet? :D  
            **Dipper (5:12PM)** : Not yet! I was just playing with the kitten for a bit.  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:12PM)** : thats cute!  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:13PM)** : oh yea! what did you name him?  
            **Dipper (5:13PM)** : Uh… I didn’t name it yet  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:13PM)** : WHAT bro it’s been 4 hours and you still havent named it??  
            **Dipper (5:14PM)** : wait 4 hours? I swear I was just unpacking like 30 mins ago.

The kitten yawned and sleepily batted the motionless feathery opponent, now wet with kitten saliva. He looked around, searching for the ideal place to take a nap after such a long play session before finally settling his gaze on the comfy-looking lap of the human that was currently preoccupied with a thin, rectangular device in his hands.

  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:14PM)** : dude learn to check the time  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:14PM)** : BUT SRS NAME YOUR CAT! >:(  
            **Dipper (5:15PM)** : I don’t know what to name it!  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:15PM)** : WELL FIGURE IT OUT!! >:O

Dipper was going to text his sister with some excuse when he felt something light step on top of his thighs. He looked under his phone and saw the yellow furry creature curling up in his lap. The male smiled and lightly stroked the kitten, feeling the soft, silky fur at his fingertips. “Mabel told me to name you,” Dipper mumbled to the cat. The kitten cracked open its eye and stared at him. “But I have no idea what to call you… Whiskers?”

The kitten raised its sleepy head and flattened its ears, looking angry. Dipper chuckled nervously and said, “I’m guessing not that then… What about…” Dipper began listing stereotypical cat names he’s heard and each name only seemed to make the feline angrier.

“Okay, fine,” Dipper huffed, exhausting his list of known cat names. He stared off into the distance, trying to think of an appropriate name. While lost in thought, he suddenly remembered who the cat resembled. Dipper warily looked back down at the cat, suspicions flooding back, and hesitatingly asked, “What about something more generic, like Bill?”

The kitten’s ears went back to their upright position and he laid his head back down on top of Dipper’s shorts. The male stiffened and apprehensively asked again, “… Bill? You want the name ‘Bill’?”

The feline began purring in his lap, which Dipper took as a confirmation. He quickly went back to texting his sister, worried.

            **Dipper (5:28PM)** : Hey, can cats understand English?  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:29PM)** : idk maybe? why  
            **Dipper (5:29PM)** : I was listing a bunch of names and the cat looked angry but when I said “Bill” it purred.  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:30PM)** : WHOA REALY?! :O  
            **Dipper (5:30PM)** : Yeah and I’m kinda weirded out right now Mabel  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:30PM)** : DUUUDEE YOU SHOULD RECORD THAT AND POST IT ON YT  
            **Dipper (5:30 PM)** : It even LOOKS like Bill  
            **Dipper (5:31PM)** : And um no thanks but I’m really worried right now  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:32PM)** : wait you mean bill the evil dorito?  
            **Dipper (5:33PM)** : Yeah I mean he’s yellow, has one eye, and I swear he has a black patch of fur that’s in the shape of a triangle and a bowtie and HES CURRENTLY NAPPING ON MY LAP AND PROBABLY PLOTTING HOW TO KILL ME IN MY SLEEP  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:33PM)** : awww thats so cute!  
            **Dipper (5:34PM)** : MABEL SERIOUSLY IM FREAKING OUT  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:34PM)** : bro your just being paranoid. maybe its just a really spooky coincidink  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:34PM)** : i mean, we defeated him 5 years ago rigt? i dont think an almighty powerful dream demon would, idk, come back in the form of a really cute kitty  
            **Dipper (5:35PM)** : MAYBE HE KNOWS HUMANS LIKE CUTE THINGS  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:35PM)** : ok seriously if you are really worried why not, idk, test if it’s really Bill?

Dipper looked under his phone at the kitten purring peacefully on his lap. “Hey, uh, Bill?” he whispered, unsure of if it was rude or not to wake up a sleeping animal. Bill cracked open its eye and mewed sleepily. Dipper was pretty sure if he wasn’t so wary of the creature right now, he would probably have melted and hugged the cat from its pure adorableness.

“A-are you the evil dream demon that tried to basically take over the world and almost killed my sister, oh, I don’t know, over five years ago before we defeated you with the memory gun?” Dipper asked a little hastily, not exactly making eye contact with the kitten. Bill stared at him sleepily.

“Right, right,” Dipper mumbled at the lack of a clear response. He didn’t really know what to expect. Bill to transform into his triangular self, laughing maniacally and congratulating him before incinerating him with a laser beam? Bill to suddenly talk and mock him with a hilariously high-pitched kitten voice? He shook his head and glanced at the stack of boxes around him. Coincidentally, one of the boxes on the top of the stack right next to him had the word “Snacks” on it. A devious idea popped into his head.

Bill watched lazily from the comfort of the warm lap as Dipper pulled off a cardboard box from the stack, opened it up, and rummaged through the contents. The kitten’s ears twitched curiously as he heard crinkling and rustling sounds. “Aha!” Dipper said as he pulled out an orange bag of nacho cheese Doritos. He opened the bag and took out a single, pristine-looking cheese-dust covered triangular chip. Dipper watched as Bill’s eye focused intensely on the chip.

_If he’s really Bill_ , Dipper thought as he opened his mouth and slowly licked an edge of the delicious, triangular snack, keeping an eye on the kitten’s gradually widening eye, _then he should react to this, right?_

Bill slowly sat up, attention still focused on the chip that was now being assaulted by a tongue. Dipper put the chip between his teeth, watching the cat curiously, and cracked off a piece. The kitten watched in silence.

“Hmm,” Dipper hummed as he chewed the piece in his mouth. Bill didn’t seem angry, but did look really intrigued. Maybe he really wasn’t the evil dream demon reincarnate?

Dipper presented the bitten-chip to the kitten, who sniffed it curiously. He thought nothing was going to happen, but then Bill lapped at the cheese dust and bit the chip with its small teeth. Dipper watched, fascinated, as the kitten bent down to eat the piece that he had broken off and dropped onto his lap.

He quickly pulled out his phone again and texted his sister.

            **Dipper (5:53PM)** : Ok so I asked the cat if he was bill and that didn’t do anything  
            **Dipper (5:53PM)** : I mean of course it didn’t, so I took out a bag of Doritos and ate the chip  
            **Dipper (5:53 PM)** : And now the cat is eating it  
            **Best Twin Sis Ever ;) (5:54PM)** : AWWWW SO CUTE I TOLD YOU IT WASNT BILL  
            **Dipper (5:54PM)** : Haha I guess :)

He put away his phone and petted the purring feline that was eating the remainder of the chip in his lap, listening to the comforting noise as he leaned his head back against the wall. It was just a normal, odd-looking kitten, right?

 

Dipper woke up from his nap to the sound of mewling. He groggily lifted up his head and looked at his lap, only to find the yellow-furred creature on the ground off to his side. Bill meowed again, this time with a bit more urgency.

“What is it?” Dipper rubbed his eyes. Bill walked over towards an upside down silver bowl and meowed. “Oh, you’re hungry?”

He stood up, stretched, and picked up the silver bowl as well as the bag of kitten kibble nearby. Dipper wheezed, underestimating the weight of the bag since Mabel made it seem like it weighed nothing, even though it was obviously a pretty big bag of cat food. He quickly shuffled over to the kitchen, the kitten quietly following behind.

Dipper set down the bag on the kitchen a bit roughly, making it land with a hard thump on the ground as he lacked enough arm strength to control it. He _really_ hoped his downstairs neighbors didn’t mind all of the sudden loud noises today. He reached into his back pocket and took out a pocket knife, cutting open the top of the bag. A waft of cat-food smell dispersed into the air. The male coughed and covered his nose with a hand, the other quickly scooping up kibble using the silver bowl. He set the filled-up bowl on the ground and mumbled, “Phew, this stuff stinks!”

Bill walked over to the food, sniffed it, and began nibbling on it. Dipper watched for a few moments, smiling at his handy work, and rolled up the heavy bag of smelly cat food before stuffing it away in the bottom shelf of the pantry. He also took the other silver bowl and filled it up with some tap water from the kitchen sink, setting it down next to the food bowl.

Dipper took the rest of the evening to finish unpacking. Much to his own surprise, he managed to unpack all 27 of his boxes before it had even hit ten o’clock in the evening. During this time, Bill had occupied himself by hopping into the newly emptied boxes.

Dipper sighed as he collapsed on the bed that he had finished assembling together and had put sheets on. He was exhausted, having spent another few hours trying to figure out the terrible picture-only instructions when he was putting together his bed frame.

Bill mewled from below, standing up on his hind legs with his front paws on the wooden bed frame. Dipper laughed and picked up the kitten below the arms and set him down gently on top of his own stomach.

Dipper spoke to the feline, “You know, before we moved in, I was pretty worried about living all by myself. At first, I thought it was going to be great to not worry about potentially getting a weird or creepy roommate, and that’s why I leased this apartment for solo college students. But…” Dipper looked down. Bill continued to stare at him. “Once Mabel moved away to her dorm, the house became really empty. I… never felt so scared to be alone before.”

Dipper looked back up into the kitten’s eye, which was still locked onto his face. “I’m glad you’re here with me, Bill.” He smiled and petted the feline’s head, brushing a thumb over the small triangular patch of fur. “Even if you like the name and sorta resemble the psychotic dream demon we fought so long ago.” Bill purred and stood up, walking on top of the male’s chest to bunt him affectionately on the chin. Dipper was surprised at the sudden display of friendliness but smiled and stroked the kitten fondly, laughing a little as the kitten’s fur and whiskers tickled his sensitive neck. “Yeah, there’s no way you can be Bill Cipher.”

The light was still on in his bedroom, but he could care less about turning it off right now. He was comfortable, his hand cupping the small, purring kitten that had curled up in the space between his neck and shoulder. They both closed their eyelids as they drifted asleep for the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to write something fluffier on the side since my other fanfic is... well. Not fluffy. LOL. So, have some Cat!Bill!
> 
> Also Mabel is the one that edited her name in Dipper's contacts. And they're really good at texting each other back.


	2. Sunday

Dipper blinked open his eyes, finding himself suddenly lying underneath the blazing hot orange sun in the middle of a desert. The air was warm and unusually stuffy and felt heavy as he sat up, unsure of what to make of his sudden change in environment, but felt oddly unperturbed by it all.

He stood up and patted down his clothes from the fine sand before getting a good look around him, finding nothing of interest in the infinite sea of sand except for a nearby large pyramid. He decided to walk towards it, curious and fascinated by its tall, angular structure. He’d never seen an actual pyramid before, but it sure looked a lot like the ones he has seen in documentaries and history books.

Dipper soon came upon the entrance, a dark open corridor located at the base of the pyramid. He peered cautiously into opening, seeing nothing but blackness within. The air suddenly seemed to get more oppressive and unwelcoming. He tried to gasp for air, quickly panicking as he found the oxygen supply suddenly very limited. Struggling to breathe, Dipper stumbled and fell through the entrance, screaming as the corridor was really a bottomless pit as he descended through the infinite void.

Dipper’s body twitched violently as his eyes flashed open, finding himself back in his bedroom. Or, what would be his lit bedroom if he didn’t have a certain fluffy yellow kitten on top of his face, obscuring his vision and facial orifices.

He quickly reached up and plucked the sleeping Bill off of his face, finally being able to breathe in the fresh, cool air of the apartment. Dipper was relieved to taste the sweet oxygen fill his lungs, forgetting how much of a vital necessity it was in order to, well, stay alive. The kitten mewled, confused from being suddenly disturbed from its presumably pleasant nap on top of his owner’s face.

“Oh, don’t you look at me like that,” Dipper frowned as he looked up at the kitten’s innocent face. “You’re the one who tried suffocating me in my sleep!” He paused for a moment before scowling, “And that’s _exactly_ what Bill would do. Isn’t that right, you disguised evil triangle?!”

The kitten stared at him naively. “Ugh,” Dipper rolled his eyes and set the small feline down on top of his chest, placing an arm over his eyes. “I’m just being paranoid. We already established you can’t be something deviously evil, even if you almost killed me just now.” He lifted up his arm and glanced at Bill, who was staring at him blankly. “Just… next time, don’t sleep on top of my face, okay?”

There was a moment of silence between the two of them before Bill meowed and leapt off of him and off the bed. Dipper sighed and checked his phone. It was 6:42AM and his body didn’t feel remotely tired after it kicked into fight-or-flight mode from nearly dying due to an adorable kitten.

He sat up and walked out of his bedroom and into the nearby narrow kitchen. Bill was sitting by the silver bowl of half-eaten kitten kibble, watching him. “What do you want?” Dipper mumbled, a little irritated from having to be up so early on a Sunday, as he turned on his automatic coffee maker machine on the top of the kitchen counter. Bill meowed, walking towards Dipper and rubbed the whole side of his body against the male’s leg.

 The male was returning with a mug he fetched from a nearby cabinet when he suddenly exclaimed, “Whoa!” He managed to catch himself by grasping the counter before nearly kicking the fluffy creature that was in his walking path. He glanced down at the kitten who was staring back with an expectant gaze. Dipper furrowed his brows as he tried to read the feline’s emotion. “W-what is it? Are you… hungry?” He glanced at the silver bowl that clearly had enough food still.

Bill meowed once more, repeating the affectionate gesture before turning around and looking up. “But… you have food already?” Dipper raised an eyebrow as he took out the partially filled coffee pot from the machine and poured the hot, black liquid into his mug.

Dipper could have sworn the cat seemed to flash him an irritated glare before it walked out of the kitchen and towards the doorstep, where the supplies Mabel had left the other day were still strewn about. Bill sat next to the unopened box of canned cat food and meowed, this time louder and sounded quite more like a demand than an innocent plea for food.

Dipper took a sip of his black coffee, the caffeine beginning to wake up his still partially-asleep mind, as he watched the feline show him what he wanted. He was still weirded out that the kitten seemed to understand him and could demonstrate some form of communication back. Were all cats this smart? Is that why they’re so popular on the internet?

He walked over and reluctantly picked up the box that Bill seemed to want to eat so much, placed it onto the kitchen counter, and fetched the first can he saw. “Shredded Salmon with Gravy,” Dipper read the label off the small orange can. Bill followed his owner and sat next to his food bowl, eager.

Dipper sighed and emptied the bowl of kibble back into the bag of the dried cat food, set the dish down on the counter, and opened up the small aluminum container. The smell was worse than the dried cat food, and it looked… pretty unappetizing, really. It appeared to be more like dead small, thin rectangular pink worms than shredded fish.

Dipper plugged up his nose as he followed the recommended serving size for a kitten, placing a dollop of the wet food into the center of the bowl with a plastic spoon he coincidentally had in his drawer. He set the bowl down onto the ground and watched as Bill ravenously dug into the food, seeming to enjoy it. Dipper smiled and bent down beside the feline, stroking the kitten lightly as it ate. Bill didn’t seem to mind as he continued to lap up the savory gravy and nibbled at the shredded food.

After putting away the canned cat food in the fridge and finishing his coffee, Dipper went to work on setting up the rest of his furniture. He spent hours poring over the illustrated instructions, making a few errors here and there, having to disassemble and reassemble parts together, before finally finishing his bedside table, desk, chair, dresser, entertainment table, a small dining table, and a few lamps. Dipper placed them where he wanted them to be in his apartment before snacking on the rest of the opened bag of Doritos for lunch, considering he hadn’t bought any groceries yet.

Bill, on the other hand, had finished his meal and occupied himself with batting at the jingling, round cat toys, chasing them up and down the living room. At some point in the day while Dipper was still setting up all of his furniture, Bill had meowed insistently near the male’s bed, demanding to be picked up and placed onto the soft sheets for a well-deserved catnap. Dipper eventually complied and took a break from assembling his furniture to lift up the needy feline, watching with curious fascination as the kitten began kneading his bedsheets, purring all the while, until finally curling up and falling asleep.

While Dipper munched away on the bag of chips, reading over the _Dummy’s Guide to Taking Care of Cats_ book that Mabel had gave him, he heard someone knock on his front door. He shot up, not expecting visitors and quickly licked the cheese dust off of his fingers before opening the door. Bill, meanwhile, instantly lifted his head as he attentively looked in the direction of the unusual noise.

“Hello there,” said a burly man in a brown outfit. “Delivery for… Dipper Pines?”

“Delivery?” Dipper asked, puzzled. At the base of the stairs was a large rectangular cardboard box next to a smaller, but still broad box. “Oh! The couch, right?”

“Yessir, and your television,” replied the man as he presented a bulky electronic device to the younger male. “Please sign here and I’ll carry them up the stairs for you.”

Dipper signed and thanked the man, watching as the deliveryman hoisted up the large boxes with ease on both of his shoulders. He only watched with awe as the muscular man went up the stairs without needing help at all. _Is that even humanly_ possible _?_ Dipper wondered as the deliveryman excused himself past the stunned freshman and dropped the boxes off into his living room before saying good-bye. “Cute cat, by the way,” the deliveryman said before he exited the apartment.

“Oh, uh, thanks?” Dipper said, a little confused at the random compliment as he shut the door quietly. He looked over to the hallway where Bill was now sitting on his hindquarters, curiously staring up at him with his singular golden eye.

Bill yawned as he watched the college student begin to set up the living room. Dipper struggled to move the heavy couch to the desired location but eventually succeeded, and was now preoccupied with being OCD about the “proper” positioning of the television on his entertainment table. The kitten lazily gazed around the house, bored. Near the large sliding glass window, he saw the bright sunlight illuminating a large spot on the grey carpet. He padded towards it, curiously led by his desire to investigate this bright patch that seemed to welcome him. As he stepped into the square, he could feel the soothing, warm rays on his fur. Bill instantly rolled onto his side, purring contentedly as he soaked up the sun.

Dipper finished making his micro adjustments to the position of the small plasma HD television. “Perfect!” he finally exclaimed, pleased with his handiwork as he looked around his house that was littered with emptied boxes and instructions. “Everything’s all set up, the electricity and WiFi’s working, the water’s running…” He trailed off as his wandering gaze stopped on the sleepy kitten laying down on the floor, basking in the sunlight.

“Aww,” Dipper cooed, cautiously walked towards the resting kitten so as not to startle the peaceful creature. Bill cracked his eye open slightly and rolled onto his back as Dipper approached, all four paws up in the air, his pale yellow stomach fur exposed and looked absolutely divine to touch.

“Do you want a belly rub?” Dipper asked in a baby-voice as he saw the seemingly welcoming gesture. He’s given dogs belly rubs before, but he didn’t know cats enjoyed that, too. He reached a hand forward.

Bill continued to stare at him innocently, the tip of his tail flicking back and forth mischievously as the male took the bait. Dipper gently placed his hand on the chest of the kitten, feeling the soft, silky fur on his fingertips and palm. He slowly trailed it down towards the squishy belly, surprised at how _amazing_ cat fur felt.

That admiration went quickly out the window as Bill suddenly curled himself around the hand, springing like a bear trap as his front claws and hind paws dug into the unsuspecting male’s skin. He also gnawed at the hand for good measure, his sharp teeth raking across the smooth human skin.

Dipper let out a yelp as he quickly withdrew his hand, which was now covered in scratches and some teeth marks that surprisingly hadn’t gone in too deep to release blood right away. He clutched it and glared at the feline, who clearly had come up with this devious plan to trick him. “That wasn’t nice, Bill!” he reprimanded the kitten, who merely laid back down on its side, staring at him impishly.

“Ugh, maybe you really are the demon,” Dipper grumbled silently as he stomped towards the bathroom. As he cleaned the swelling and lightly bleeding wounds that were all over his right hand, he continued to complain quietly, “First day of school tomorrow and I’m going to have scabs all over. So much for meeting new friends, Dipper. No one’s going to want to talk to someone they’ve just met who has _cuts_ all over his hand! They’ll think you’re weird, or a masochist, or…”

Bill groomed himself calmly, licking and rubbing his small paw over his face as he listened to the angry mutterings of an upset young adult in the distance.

Dipper turned off the faucet and hissed in pain as he dabbed a towel around his sensitive wounds, trying not to dirty the clean cloth. He pulled out some bandages and placed them atop some of the deeper cuts and shot an angry glare at the kitten, who seemed very unfazed about its actions. In fact, Dipper could have sworn the feline had a cocky expression on his face as he groomed himself, his eye partially open and ever-watching the human. The feeling that this secretly vicious kitten was really Bill bothered him, but how could it be? It just looked too cute and peaceful to be Bill. And Bill definitely wasn’t cute and peaceful. He was a stupid shape and very maniacal.

Bill finished grooming himself and yawned, stretching before quietly walking towards the human that was still glaring at him suspiciously. He mewed and purred, his tail upright with the tip tilted off to the side as he approached his owner placidly, looking as cute and innocent as possible. Dipper wanted to stay mad, but how could he? The kitten seems to adore him (even if it just tried to kill him _and_ maul his hand, but hey, maybe that’s just a cat thing he didn’t know about?) and looked so content.

Dipper sighed, giving up on staying mad, and picked up the kitten. He cradled the purring feline in his arms. “I wonder if I’ll ever understand you,” he muttered, staring into the wide, golden eye of the kitten who stared back. Bill blinked slowly, and Dipper smiled. He remembered reading that was the universal cat language for “I love you” in that little handbook Mabel got him. Dipper slowly blinked back, completely forgetting his suspicions as he bonded with his pet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out, the chapters will be varying lengths as it just depends on what scenes I have cooked up! Some may be short, others may be longer, but I hope you guys will enjoy what's to come. :)


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